Memorial Fest Mission Statement

(Warning! Contains saucy Language and scenes with partial nudity. Please do not read if you are a prude.)

Our objective is to provide an environment conducive to recreation, relaxation, socialization and inebriation, while at the same providing a learning, nurturing and caring experience for the next generation.

The sponsors shall provide, at all times; cool, carbonated beverages, one fully cooked and (hopefully) trichinosis-free porker (porker! - I didn't even know her), a properly manicured recreational field, camping facilities, a sheltered "Festhaus", and a couple of Jiffy-Johns to help ensure that these objectives are achieved. The Sponsors will also strive to ensure that no individuals unwillingly wake up with their pants around their ankles.

Our future goals include: stairs and plumbing for the barn, party tapes with fewer than twelve "Cure" songs, permanent outdoor lighting (a reality in 1996), a Sony Jumbotron for naked horseshoes highlights, and to convince Karabotz to abandon his property.

With the cooperation of the Sponsors and Festers, and the continuous use of Quality Management tools, a successful and memorable Fest should be assured for many years to come. After all, we know of no other party that costs so friggin' much to throw.

Created May, 1995